I've Been Slacking...Sorry!

Well, I’m already having a difficult time getting myself to write each day. I really should work on that…it really defeats the purpose if I don’t make an effort to write daily. Let’s go back a few days…

I last wrote on 08/13/2014, after my first session of IOP. Since then, it’s been sorta up and down with everything. Hence why I didn’t write Thursday-Sunday. Starting Thursday night, I started experiencing PAWS (post-acute withdrawal symptoms). I went to an event that night and was around alcohol, which I believe is what triggered it. I got really anxious and felt sick, but part of me wanted that to happen. I feel like I need to experience those types of things to keep me on the right path…if that makes sense. In my future, I’m going to be around alcohol and bars, I can’t completely avoid them. I need to know what to expect when I do get thrown into these situations, so experiencing it can help prepare me…in my opinion. Over the weekend, I felt really itchy. I know that sounds weird, but it turns out that is related to anxiety and nerves. I was fighting the cravings and urges in my mind, so my body freaked out. My mind isn’t used to me saying ‘no’ to alcohol, so it caused a series of symptoms to occur.

• Itching
• Anxiety
• Upset stomach/nausea
• Lack of focus
• Unable to process things/get my words out
• Mood swings

Over the weekend, I was extremely irritable over the littlest of things. Seriously. It was the worst. Everything and everyone made me want to scream and punch them in the face. All that caused me to feel extremely tired. The combination of the two was just not a good mixture so I felt the need to isolate myself and take naps for a few hours, which surprisingly helped a lot.

Honestly, if I was in any other type of situation, I would've tried to look for a way out. If I was not in the place I am right now, I would've done what I could to find some alcohol. I'm glad I'm surrounded by the people I live with and the people in my IOP group. They kept me from making the wrong decision and throwing the last couple days out the window. 

I ended up calling my IOP leader Friday afternoon and talked to her about all the things that were bothering me. She told me what I was feeling was normal because I was finally getting to where I need to be in my life. My brain and body isn’t used to this sudden change of sobriety, so it freaked out a little. Extremely common in the first 2 years of sobriety (Awesome…2 years of this crap -.-). That was extremely reassuring to find out though. It means I’m doing the right thing.

Besides all that crap, the rest of my weekend was pretty great. I made dinner, had a few laughs, and did a couple job interviews (fingers crossed). Besides the PAWS, I had a wonderful past few days. (: